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Today, I am feeling...
Name: Cheung
Location: Hong Kong
Occupation: Student
Family: Papa + Mama + 2 Brothers + 1 Sister
My cute little blobby!!! Bouncie Bouncie!!!
5. Misunderstanding cannot drive out misunderstanding,
only understanding can.
6. & when all these 5 points add up, there becomes the best prescription for curing your disease.
Best prescription for happiness, success and all things else.
Life's beautiful and full of love. But sometimes, your eyes may be so filled with discharge that your vision is blurred.
You may be sick, your heart may not be obeying you, but let not the sickness of your body control over your mind. Being sick and thus becoming bad, does NOT excuse you from your bad actions.
for a growing young person, who still has lots of drive and passion that lies within. temptations come in so many forms. and perhaps, the most pressing of them all, exudes from the opposite sex. 'sexuality'.
let's talk about temptations, of all kinds. we can't really escape from them. in the face of them, we say: just this once. it won't hurt.
then the aftermath of it becomes one of guilt that blankets you over. you are suffocating, intoxicated by the gulf of 'evil'. but this guilt, surprisingly, passes away very quickly. and soon, you feel OK! but within a short time, you fall back again. the cycle repeats. you want to get out, but you can't. and trouble is, you may get addicted to it.
how do you guys handle this?
esp. in terms of 'sexuality', perhaps it all bouys down to our own carnival instincts. our desire to choose our best mate. and at certain times of the year, we feel more likely to mate. i read from an article which says: women whom, before entering their menstral cycle, are more likely to want to mate than other times of the month.
so is this really a case of mind over body? or body over mind? we are humans, the most intelligent animals in the animal kingdom. so it means we are not mere animals. we ARE thinking animals.
so my biggest question of the day is: can we live without temptations? and more specifically, can we live without sex? or perhaps, can we live without wet dreams? LOL seriously. ponder over it, and let me know.
i was going my daily drills of workouts when someone flashed across my mind.
i thought of a man. of rather, the man.
the man who understands me most.
who's this person? you may ask.
let me tell you who he really is...
the man who understands me most...
he, is the one whom i've rejected.
he, who has stood by my side no matter what happen.
he, who has courted me against the test of time and never gave up.
he, whom i've bared all my heart to.
he, who may have been stubborn at times but he, who has NEVER hurt me.
he, who loves me so deeply.
he, who is now married.
you must be wondering who he is married to? well, the bride is not me. fortunately perhaps.
he, who's heart may contain me in the deepest part of his soul but he, who's actions speak otherwise.
do you now know why i did not accept him in the beginning. maybe i'm feeling cold feet now. maybe my heart itches so much more whenever i think of him. but i know what kind of person he really is. call it intuition. for him, he will only treasure what he cannot get.
it hurts me sometimes. when i'm proud to say, the only man who has chased me till the end of the world, but has stopped short of his final pit-stop. i have almost accepted him, when he said he was getting married. not to a girl whom has captured his heart.
i just know it, period.
i didn't expect myself to have almost 'become' a mistress. *touch wood* for he's now married, and he says he still misses me. maybe i've broken his heart too many times, but how can i live with someone who's heart tends to stray.
maybe if i had accepted him in the begining, he would have been satisfied with me? maybe all he wants, is someone he really loves. who happens to be me.
am i right? right to have rejected him? how would i know he wouldn't have another woman in his heart after he's married? (now that he has me in his heart even though he already has a wive.
it's pretty scary. it's hard to believe he's married because we are still so young. just a few more responses from me to him, and if i were to accept his dates, i would have been his 'other woman' outside. how dangerously outrageous.
if he happens to date me? should i accept it?
right from the beginning, have i made the right decision?
i miss him, period.
i miss the way he miss me, period.
i miss the way he showered all his attention on me, period.
it's been such a long time since i blog! oh man, i'm so busy these days! so many things that i need to do. :lol: but hey, the busier i get, the happier i am! i took a taxi few days ago. and guess what i saw? i spotted more than 1 mirror in the car! and most interestingly, the 'extra' mirror is just simply a very small mirror that sits just next to the main mirror (that all cars have) and it points directly in the direction of the legs of passengers! i was pretty grossed out. because this taxi driver is a sicko! he took the opportunity to steal glances at female passengers' legs & the like, while they are boarding his taxi. he is a pervert, period. anyway, i decided to call up his taxi company and lodge a complain against him. but then, i decided against it anyway. i believe it's not my job to 'teach him a lesson', isn't it? i'm just a person, with flaws. not perfect, period. so perhaps, what i don't like to see in others, are accepted openly by others. and vice versa. so i don't really have the right to tell people act the way i want them to. it's unfair. likewise i ain't like people telling me what to do! meanwhile, i hope, all that is happening now, can be over soon. i pray for good health, good grades and smooth-sailing in whatever i do! but i know i'm going to have faith. because no matter what happens, it's heaven's plan right? & guess what i'm doing lately? i'm watching loads of VCDs i rented home! OMG! absolutely enjoyable! :P
I realise that there can be NO excuse for doing bad. I cannot continue to push all the blame for my errantic behaviour to my hormonal levels.
I am a perfectionist. Or in a way. I cannot tolerate imperfections, and I like extremes. It's either I do it, or I don't. I cannot go for in between.
Have I been feeling happy lately? I should be, if technically speaking, I have been venting all my anger. So I should be feeling SO much better, shouldn't I?
Unfortunately and fortunately NO. Anger in itself is a self-fuelling mechanism. It doesn't take much for you to feel any more angrier. Just get angry.
By just getting angry, you just simply get even angrier. And when you just get even angrier, you get even even angrier. & beforeyou know it, you are looking old, grumpy and edgy. Like an old hag.
[b]Evil begets evil.
Kindness begets kindness.[/b]
I believe it's time for me to start believing in it again. I can feel it. I can feel that as days pass, as I get angrier as days pass (to be more specific), I feel myself drifting further and further apart from my dream. From my goal.
And that's not a good thing. Why? Because it does worry me! Call it sixth sense. It can't be explained. And I just know that, if I continue to plant evil and bad seeds in my life, my future path WILL be filled with bad seedlings growing out slowly and finally bearing fruits. My future path cannot be rosy and beautifully painted for it is already tainted with weeds. Bad weeds.
OOOHH!!! No!! I don't want this to happen.
And I now, seriously believe that it's MY responsibilty to always do good, be good and keep a pure mind. Good actions. Good thoughts.
Isn't that a more beautiful and lovely way of living? I'll be happier. More at peace. And a step closer to fulfilling my dreams.
Letting a small thing be my excuse for acting bad, is just simply NOT an excuse. I'm just selfish. I admit that I'm wrong. Sorry Heavens. Please forgive me.
p/s: guys, perhaps you think I've got an alternative way of thinking. yes indeed i do.
i'm really feiry these days. and i wonder why? could i be due to PMS? or is it simply, sometimes, i just want to act like a total darn brat.
first, i like to pick up 'fights' with people. for e.g., when i go eating or shopping, i like to argue and insist the way i want it to be done. then, i like to be so fussy.
second, i give people, 'oh please, give me a break' kind of look.
third, i saw 2 slightly mentally retarded people on the roads. and INSTEAD of spreading my compassion to them, i got pissed at them for staring at me. also, i like to pass snide remarks at passer bys.
and fourthly, i cursed f**king bus when the bus took so long to come.
now what?
these are some of the pangs of selfishness, and bratty behaviour i get once a few times. and i HATE THE WAY i'm behaving!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!
please. please tell me if i'm really that bad? or is there a chance for me to turn over a new leaf?
you know, sometimes, i can be so appreciative. and really nice.
ok, i know there's no big deal seeing people from china here. BUT, you know what? i don't really like the idea of them flocking here in whole bunches.
sure, they do bring on the economies. but, the repercussions of that is some of the 'high-district' places have now been filled with them squatting all over the places. it really spoils the image doesn't it?
and recently, there was this report that said within 30 years, hong kong will have twice as many women as men! and the women are from china. looks like the hk men are going to have a whole lot more choices huh.
but the main point is, most times, the china girls get involved in vices. they hook up anyone, mostly 'established middle-aged man' or 'just any man who can give them quick bucks'. plus, they are 'really' much more feminine and fragile and gentle. they will use their gentle wiles and move men into their fingers.
you won't know until you met one. i was with my friends sitting at a cafe this afternoon, and spotted this china girl and her local boyfriend sitting next to us.
the china girl IS extremely delicate and she always look upon her man with absolutely lovely eyes, while her local man is just drooling all over her. looking at her all over using very lecherous eyes! ARGH.
and while you may think the china girl is enjoying herself. not quite. because i caught a glimpse of her eyes, while her local man is walking away to get another cup of tea, which are very 'bored' and 'not-interested' at all!
oh well, expected of it. then again, why did the man fall into her trap?
really, what does females do that make men do their bidding at ALL costs? what guys?
i am NOT degrading girls from china. of course, i've got many female classmates who are absolutely smart, independent graduates. what' i'm driving at is that, unfortunately, the majority of them have spoilt the wonderful image of a few of the [i]innocents[/i].
so, it's time for lingerie shopping again! went out to buy this nice panties which is supposed to be invisible when i wear a white pants over it. in another words, it's seamless. but best part is, it's quite cheap! :lol:
anyway, there's talk that when women wear bra that can be seen through tee-shirts, that's BAD TASTE.
what do you think?
in my personal opinion, seems pretty OK. there're some bras that come in very pretty colors. and it would be a waste if people can't see it huh. LOL
but then again, a pretty dress could very well be damaged in its image, if the owner has her bra straps sticking out all over the place.
the issue of bread + water over love or vice versa?
a simple, yet thought-provoking question: (the control of this experiment: you like both guys on the same degree.)
would you choose guy A who's less smart and has a lower paying job, and you also fancy?
OR...
would you choose guy B who's more smart and has a higher paying job, and you also fancy?
i remember reading somewhere that said: love or passion in a relationship can fade away after the honeymoon period, thereafter the issue of bread & water comes into the picture. which means to say, a couple will be all lovey dovey in the first few months of their marriage, but after which, they will squabble over financial issues. they [i]will[/i] be in reality by then.
am i? am i not? or is it because there's no one at this moment in my life right now, so when there's a guy who treats me well, i think i have fallen for him.
am i jus looking for a subsitute to fill the void in my heart. :cry: this guy happens to be one of my friends in my clique. he's a cute guy. he's tall, gentlemanly and chatty. so you won't really feel bored with him. AND, he's a sensitive guy too. :lol:
maybe i just need someone to be there. but frankly, he's not really the kind of guy i would like to spend the rest of my life with. or wouldn't i?
anyway, i believe the most contradictory thing that can happen to me right now, would be to go into a relationship. that's simply because i could be leaving for college in a few months time! next june to be exact. :lol: :oops: :P
maybe i will leave all my emotions and love till then.
i know that guys do that. but do girls do that too?
i read somewhere in the magazine that 99% of females masturbate. and the 1% who says they don't are lying about it. and it read that masturbating for females is a process of discovering your sexual development. and it goes further to say that if females don't know what turn them on, then their husbands won't know how to turn them on then!
any of you girls do this? well, we can share some information huh! LOL i know of a classmate who does it and she openly admits it!
i wonder so many things lately. maybe it's because i've nothing to do, or rather, maybe because it's soon time for me to leave you. to go to college. a new place awaits me, a new life beckons to me. and i would only most gladly embrace it with both of my arms, wide open.
i wonder if... you will think of me when i'm not around, you will wonder why i'm not there for you this time, you will think again about what you've done so far.
i wonder if... you realise that i could be gone far away from you a short 8 months from now, in college starting a new life, you will miss me when i'm gone, your heart will break when you know that i may not return for good.
i wonder if... one day, when you've become a father telling your kid, never to follow your footsteps in missing the woman you like. to not take action fast enough, to make the woman of your dreams stay. to tell her that you love her.
it's too late now isn't it?
i wonder if... 10 years down the road, when i'm away and living my own life in a faraway land, will you think of me? will we say hi when we meet on the roads?
i wonder if... you will be there to congrajulate me when i get married to my lovely husband in one of the hotels in hk?
and then, i wonder if... you know exactly the reason i'm not there for you? you know that i'm carrying a torch for you deep down? you can feel that i know that you [i]are[/i] liking me deep down too?
but how can you? i'm not well. i know you could be afraid of loving me.
why? why? why did we start out as such? why didn't we start of as friends? where do we go from here?
i like you and you like me. we know that. somehow, it's hidden deep within a small corner of our hearts. but somehow, we don't know how to purge it out.
because we don't know where to start. and how are we going to end? we don't have an answer to that too...
two repairmen came to my house this afternoon and fix the air-conditioners. one of which happens to be in my room. these two young repairmen seem to be very professional and helpful. they even charged 10 bucks less.
how wonderful! HUH! these two repairmen looked like some thugs. only they seem to be more polite. but one of them, sat on my chair!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
one of them sat on my chair in my room while doing some work. but WHO CARES what work he is doing? my room is a girl's room. and NO GUYS, i mean NO GUYS have been in my room before. so i DON"T APPRECIATE SOME CRAP TO COME INTO MY ROOM AND SIT ON MY CHAIR.
my chair, is something that i come into contact with 365 days a year. my chair has been through ups and down with me. my chair shares my sorrow and my happiness. my chair goes through everything with me.
and all because of ONE DARN ****ing CRAP, who sat on my chair. and let me tell you that i think that it's VERY RUDE to sit on someone's private property without asking. DARN REPAIRMAN! BRAINLESS CRAP!
anyway, i've told my mother to change the chair with my father. yupz. my father will sit on the smelly chair. hmmm.....haha! ok, i ain't very filial. BUT NO WAY, I'M GOING TO SIT ON THAT DIRTIED CHAIR!
btw, i felt that the two repairmen were stealing glances at me. :?
Heavens, please bless me with energy, good health and determination. :)
i'm excited as the new school term draws near. i'm going to study hard. study hard i am. study hard i will. this last few months will be my last try to give my results a best shot. and i am going to use these results to apply for admission into HKU next year. Heavens bless me. :oops: :lol: :P
i'm going to go into a study-meditation where i will be cut off from the rest of the world, and study straight without distractions for these few months. getting into HKU means so much to me. i can see my whole future in HKU. everything in HKU. please, Heavens please bless me with the energy, good health and determination to go through this final lag.
practice gets tough, and the tough gets practicising
as the title already suggests, it means i'm now practicising harder for my piano exam! it's coming in a week's time. :lol: :oops: :P wish me luck! so much luck will ya?
actually, i won't say i'm 100% confident. hmm....there are still quite a number of scales that i've not mastered well. plus, the oral examination.
frankly, i don't really like the idea of sitting alone with the examiner in a terribly cold room with the cold piano and with the examiner's eyes staring into my fingers. anyway, the examiner is flown all the way from London Royal School Of Music to examine me! And you know what? I'm in the first group!
Heaven help me! I really hope that I can do well and pass! OMG!
i just realised that i have put on a few pounds over the last week. all thanks to the amount of food i pamper myself with! ok...i have to admit that i love to eat. but fortunately, i work out a lot too. so i have been able to keep my weight in check. BUT, it's kind of different this time. cos it's just so filled with activities. as you can already see, i had lots of things to do for the last week! :lol: :oops: :P
and things doesn't get any better, if you are running around whole day, and just stuffing yourself with good food. i think there are some days, when i ate 5 meals a day! OMG! okok....i know....am i binging without knowing it?
but oh well! :roll: although i must say i'm a rather image-conscious girl, and someone who likes to doll upa dn look good. i'm allowing myself to just fall back and relax once in a long while. SO, i allowed and helped myself to so much food. so much so that i put on 4kg! [b]AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/b]
but i really enjoyed myself nevertheless. ^_^
anyway, i am now pretty sure that it's time for me to get back to my workout routine and become slim! hmm....but i've never been really really slim anyway. :wink:
i'm lazing in a cafe down in kowloon now... :lol: :oops: :P
the weather's good today. not too hot, and quite cloudy. hmm....just cooling it...
i went on a huge shopping spree yesterday. it lasted one whole day! everything is on sale, as you could already know. it's the summer vacation! that's why! i think i spent too much! i should cool it now...
it's Father's Day! I love you papa! MUAKZ MUAKZ! :lol: i made a card myself, and gave it to my papa. my mama and my didi signed some very interesting words inside the card! it's just totally hilarious. of course, my papa is extremely delighted!
my papa told us few days ago that he has arthritis in both his feet. i hope that my papa gets better, but the doctor said there is no cure. is there really none? anyone can give me a pointer or two?
perhaps, when you're getting older, sometimes you cannot avoid. but thanks to my mama's brilliant cooking. my mama's dishes are always extremely healthy. with very little oil and no sugar!
i think the whole fmaily is going down to kowloon to celebrate Father's Day! yuppies! it's good food again! :oops: :P
oh my gawd! i am the wind! isn't she beautiful? :lol: :oops: :P
You're Elemant is Wind. You're light-hearted, care-free, kind, sensative, and mysterious. You have friends and most absolutely love you. You can be calm and soothing one minute and ragging in anger the next so no one wants to get on your bad side. You're beauty is inspiring and magical.
i really think i should stop being too extreme sometimes. take teh last few weeks for example --
1) i brush my teeth 3 times a day to get rid of dental plague and strive for a perfect white set of teeth; 2) i did sit-ups 100 times everyday to strive for flat stomach; 3) i have a sweet teeth and i can't control it; 4) i gave myself a couple more sprints to get slimmer.
and guess what? now, i have suffered for my consquences.
1) i brushed my teeth so hard but so negligently, i missed out on vital parts. so now, i've got 2 decay-tooth and a bleeding gum problem; 2) to no avail. my tummy seems to be getting bigger by the days; 3) cause me to have toothaches; 4) i can't run now, cos i'm feeling rather uncomfortable.
see it? :roll: gee! i have brought this upon myself. really, we should take things naturally and let things form. i cannot and should not try to make thigns change and work overnight. i think it's my weakness, in a sense that, i tend to like to get things doen too fast. with no patience.
now that it's the summer holidays, i can't wait to travel! well, very soon. :lol: :oops: :P :D :wink: 8) anyway, i think i could be going up The Peak. haven't been there for quite sometime, and there's this cafe i like very much that is situated outdoors facing the mountains. it's extremely cool, because during winter especially, you can have a cup of drink and simply allow the cool breeze blow into your face.
meanwhile, i'm going to HKU to clear some admission stuff before i apply for admission next year. next week and after are pretty packed for me. my aunt and uncle has asked all of us out to dinner at the Hyatt Hotel. it's been sometime i've met up with them. anyway Hyatt Hotel is a really cool place! by the way, i think i'm going to eat everything at the buffet on that evening! muahahaha!
i watched across the room. it was pitch dark. it was nice. though my eyes couldn't make out of anything, i used my heart to see. i felt sweetness, peace and happiness.
at least i thought so.
this so called 'happiness', as quickly as it came, it left in a stroke of my magic wand. everything is back to normal. my friends. are they MY friends? if they are, why are they so far away from me..
i stood up from my seat, and walked around the room. engaging in conversations and exchanging glances. all is well. seemed well.
i looked happy, indeed i am.
i looked like i enjoyed everything here. not quite.
but i am someone who rarely lets my real emotions be shown in public. i'm a secretive person.
i looked and observed, at every single person in the room. i wondered and pondered, how these people can be so close, yet so far.
isn't there at least someone, who has the key to my heart?
is there something wrong with anyone of them? 'kai-zai' came close (deliberately) and reached out for something, i felt his breath. i felt his presence. i liked it. but i'm very clear, that everything that has happened in the past, belongs to the past. i will move on.
this must be a crazy place. everyone is weird (it's really true). my eyes that seemed delicate and soft, is simply a facade to cover up a strong heart within. perhaps, these guys are trying to act 'saintly'. but i thought they are just running away from their insecurities.
heaven help them. or perhaps, it's their destiny. what's destiny anyway?
oh well :!: :roll: none of my business anyway. i'm already above all these, and i will be leaving this place soon. hmmmmm.... :wink:
i can't wait to go down to Tin Hou Miu! i will be going down to causeway bay, and do lots of shopping! yeppies!
Today, I am feeling...
Name: Cheung
Location: Hong Kong
Occupation: Student
Family: Papa + Mama + 2 Brothers + 1 Sister
My cute little blobby!!! Bouncie Bouncie!!!
